


A rose's rarest essence lives in the thorns

by SilverFountains



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Trans, Anal Sex, Boys Kissing, Canon Gay Relationship, Flirting, Gay, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Modern Westeros, Queer Themes, Trans Male Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-15 08:11:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16059077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFountains/pseuds/SilverFountains
Summary: When Loras moves to Storm's End he's hoping for a fresh start as his authentic self. He promises himself to take it easy, but he is quickly charmed by the handsome Renly. It's a gamble and he hopes that the other has an open mind.Gifted to my muse, my support, my king who helped me to find myself





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [delorita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/delorita/gifts).



> TRIGGER WARNINGS for some transphobic language and uneducated assumptions at the start. All will be alright in the end! Also TW about graphic descriptions of trans/queer bodies and sex.

There is this strange mix of feelings, being in a different town in a bar he'd never been to before. On the one hand there was the freedom that came with being anonymous; no-one here who knew him or his past. On the other side there was always this unease that would coil in his stomach at the thought of one of these handsome strangers finding out who he truly was. And of course at some point they would. It was a matter of when rather than if. That was always the struggle, his own internal battle. How far he could go, how far he  _ would _ go before he had to tell the other. 

_ Ugh, stop overthinking, _ he tells himself as he downs his rum and coke to take the edge off.  _ Have fun!  _

He slides off the bar stool to step onto the dancefloor that is already packed with beautiful men trying to impress each other with extravagant moves to the beat of the music. His eyes scan them one after another. Sculpted bodies in tight fitting jeans and equally tight T-shirts. A feast for the eye for sure, he smiles, as he joins in with the moves. He loves to dance. He always did, but now even more so.

Renly's eyes light up when they catch a head of golden curls bouncing in the dizzying colours of the light show.  _ A stranger. And a breathtakingly handsome one at that!  _ Storm’s End is a decent size city but the gay community is pretty close knit and Renly knows almost all of them. Intimately. 

He craftily moves himself a little closer to the newcomer, using the rhythm of the music to take a few steps closer each time. He hadn't been sure whether he wanted to come to this club tonight. Yes, he wanted to dance and drink and flirt and end the night with mindblowing sex, but he was reluctant to find the same faces and the same asses that were here every Friday night. 

_ Not tonight!  _

Loras has lost himself to the beat of the music, letting any inhibitions be swept away on the fast tune. He is aware of the men around him, of course, but only vaguely so. He didn't come here to hook up. To flirt yes, but mostly to just have a good time and check out the gay scene in the city he recently moved to to study. But the guy that has just danced his way into his peripheral vision is hard to ignore. As soon as he makes eye contact the other smiles a slightly crooked but cute grin at him.

Renly bends close to shout in the newcomer’s ear, “Love your moves! Can I buy you a drink?” He feels the excitement of seeing an unknown face, looking forward to the possibility of having a good time with someone new. The other’s aftershave mixed with his sweat from dancing finds its way into his nostrils and he inhales deeply, his grin spreading even further.

“Eh yeah, sure!” Loras grins too.  _ He's cute!  _ He keeps his guard up though. He knows to be cautious in an environment like this; once bitten twice shy and all that. He follows the charming guy back to the bar though and asks for a pint of his favourite ale with his host. 

_ Nice choice _ , Renly praises in his head as he places the order together with his own with the barman. Away from the flashing lights,  pushed up close to each other in the busy club, he is able to check the guy out more closely.  _ Very cute indeed! Those curls, damn!  _

“What's your name, cutie?” he calls into the other’s ear as he hands him his drink. He loves how their knees brush together in the crowded space. 

“Loras,” Loras answers with a smile. “You?”

“Renly,” Renly winks, taking a sip of his rum and coke. “Shall we grab a seat?”

“Sure,” Loras nods, feeling flutters begin to unfold in his stomach as they fight their way through the crowd towards the ‘seating’ area. The audience is clearly pretty tipsy now, as tight tops are being lost and some guys are grinding each other on the dancefloor. The atmosphere is electric with sex pheromones. It arouses him too, but underneath the thrill of desire Loras also feels the uncertain tendrils of anxiety.  _ Be careful. New place, new people.  _ He hates it, the secrecy, the constantly having to watch what he says, but it's the unfortunate reality of his situation. 

Still, he is happy to flop down on the sofa where Renly immediately puts his arm around his shoulders. 

“Not seen you here before,” the local man talks into his ear. 

Loras shivers pleasantly as he feels Renly breathe on his neck, his lips brushing against the shell of his ear.  _ God, he's sexy,  _ he thinks, feeling his desire solidify. 

“No, moved here two weeks ago,” he answers back, “From Highgarden.”

“Nice!” Renly smiles, feeling smug that he got his hands on the new candy before anyone else here. He quickly moves forward to confirm his claim, pressing his lips onto the other’s soft mouth. 

Loras blinks at the forwardness but then quickly responds in kind. Kissing is cool. Kissing is fucking awesome and he curls his tongue around Renly’s, tasting the sweet sugary mixture of rum and coke on it.  _ He's a good kisser! _ he thinks drowsily as they wrap their arms around each other to deepen the exchange, ignoring the people around them. 

“Mmm, you're hot,” Renly pants into the kiss,letting his hands roam across the other’s biceps. 

Loras loses himself in the consuming passion of the moment, longing for being touched with such desire. Until Renly's hand wanders across his thigh towards his crotch.  _ Fuck!  _ And in an instance he's on his feet. 

“Whoah alright!” Renly exclaims, pulling his hands up defensively.  _ Frigid? Perhaps in The Reach they’re not as straight to business?  _ He chuckles internally at the pun. 

“You wanna dance some more?” Loras quickly tries to rescue his face. The forwardness of the other man had taken him by surprise although not unpleasantly so.  Under different circumstances he might even have reacted in kind to his advances. But this is way too close for comfort in a place that is still unfamiliar to him. 

Renly leans back on the sofa, stretching himself out leisurely as he gives the handsome young man a measured look. “I dunno. I thought you wanted some fun. But you jumping up like that…” 

Loras shrugs. “No worries. Thanks for the drink,” he nods as he grabs his glass, downs it and then walks back to the dance floor. Sure, it's a shame as the guy really is good looking, but he's not going to be manipulated by his tactics. 

_ Damn!  _ Renly stares after that sexy arse in surprise. There are not many guys who just give him the cold shoulder like that. And even fewer that he would care to pursue thereafter. He bites his lip and rethinks the plan he'd had for the evening. For now he decides to watch Loras dance. Those adorable curls bouncing around his head as he moves rhythmically, the lights painting all sorts of patterns onto that desirable body.  _ Loras.  _ The name circles around in his head now, tasting as sweet as the rum on his tongue. 

He jolts when the guy suddenly looks back at him, grinning and silently challenging him to join him with those sexy moves. He feels like a fool for it but he can't help it as he pulls himself to his feet and gets back on the dance floor. 

“Hey,” Loras smirks. “Didn't think you wanted to dance?” 

Renly snorts at the guy's cheek. “Didn't think you wanted to have fun with me,” he retorts sharply as Loras throws his arms around his neck again, moving closely with him. 

“Never said that,” Loras has to talk right up against the other's ear to be heard.

“Alright.” Renly pulls Loras closer. The guy intrigues him. Aside from his looks and his accent he's different to the other guys here. Not as desperate to get laid. And whilst initially it had taken Renly aback that the other walked away, now he finds it makes him want to chase the guy even more. 

The way they dance together now, Loras looking at him with mesmerizingly blue eyes, teasing him, seducing him… 

“Why did you push me away then?” he can't help but ask, half shouting over the music. 

Loras chuckles. “Cuz I'm not some cheap bitch. And if you want to get your hands down my trousers, you’ll have to do more than buy me a drink!” 

Renly raises his eyebrows, but then grins too. He likes the way this stranger is flirting with him, challenges him and makes him work for it. It's somehow more exciting than some guy who just turns over at the snap of his fingers. 

“Like what?” he challenges back. 

“This,” Loras moves a little closer still so that they're almost pressed together. “Dance with me.” He presses his lips briefly, but firmly onto Renly's. 

+++

_ You're being foolish!  _ Loras’ subconscious squeaks at him as they stumble into the little apartment, grabbing for each other. His heart is thumping in his chest, both from excited arousal and anxious trepidation. _ Should I have told him?  _ one side of him argues as he's pressed up against the wall as Renly sucks at his neck.  _ But when?! _ Even after four years he still hasn't found the right answer to that impossible question. Nonetheless he can't help for his survival instinct to pulse under the surface as he feels for his phone and maps out his escape route for if this goes badly wrong. 

Renly pants as they pluck at each other's clothes. His brain feels fuzzy with desire and he's rock hard now. He had thoroughly enjoyed the night with Loras so far, dancing, drinking, snogging. The other sure wasn't giving in easily but by around 2am he had reassessed the situation and proposed to go ‘back to his’. He had been both relieved and elated when Loras hadn’t given him the boot again and now he's pulling the guy’s T-shirt over his head in his hallway. 

Loras involuntarily holds his breath as Renly touches him, then suddenly stops and takes a step back. 

Time seems to stand still and both men look at each other unsurely. 

“What are these?” Renly frowns as he looks at the scars on the other man’s chest. “You... were in an accident.. or something?” He would not be bothered by birthmarks or scars normally, but these large, perfectly symmetrical surgical scars both confuse and alarm him. 

Loras instinctively pulls his arm across his chest, feeling both vulnerable and defensive. “No,” he says firmly, although his adrenaline is making him shaky. “I had a double mastectomy,” he states plainly, holding Renly's gaze. 

“What?” Renly blinks uncomprehendingly.  “I don't understand.”

_ This sure isn't going well,  _ Loras sighs, trying to anticipate Renly’s mood and next reaction. Well, there is nothing for it, when he reluctantly explains “I'm trans. These are the scars from my top surgery.” He pulls away his arm again and squares his shoulders, finding his pride despite his anxiety. 

Renly takes a couple of stumbled steps back. “What?” he says again, his brain working overtime to make sense of this ridiculous situation. “What's that supposed to mean? Like you want to be a girl or something?” Of course that makes no sense whatsoever but the truth is just too inconceivable.

Loras snorts as he grabs his shirt back. “No man, it means I'm a guy but doctors thought I was a girl when I was born.” He hesitates whether to pull his shirt back on but is ready to do so now if he needs to. 

“You're a fucking girl?!” Renly gasps. “What the fuck? Why are you coming on to me in a gay bar when you're a chick? I'm not into that shit!” he spits. 

“No, clearly!” Loras tries not to rise to the offence. He's been here before, plenty of times. He's told guys as soon as they offered him a drink. He's told them before they kissed. He's waited for moments like this for them to find the inevitable marks on his body that he cannot hide. Nine out of ten times he's had the same shitty reaction with varying degrees of disbelief and aggression. “I'm  _ not  _ a fucking girl and I am not into assholes with shitty transphobic attitudes either, so I'll be on my way now and you can pretend this never happened.” He angrily puts his shirt back on. 

Renly blinks in disbelief. He just cannot process the information he's just received.  _ He's a girl? But he looks like a guy! A stupidly handsome one at that! But, what the fuck, I'm GAY! I don't do girls!!  _ “You got a dick then?” just comes out of his mouth.

“Ugh, fuck you, man,” Loras pushes past the arrogant guy and pulls open the door. “Oh and by the way,  _ you  _ came on to  _ me, _ ” he can't help point out, but then hastens down the short set of steps in case that pushes Renly over the edge. Although the guy doesn't strike him as violent, he's seen cis men act out enough times when their fragile masculinity is threatened to be on his guard. 

He doesn't look back; what's the point? Same old shit, different town. And now this asshole is undoubtedly going to tell all of his mates and he's gonna be in for all sorts of crap.  _ So much for starting afresh! _ he thinks angrily as he stomps down the road back to his own place. 

  
Renly leans against the wall, staring at the still open door into the dark street outside. He just cannot fathom what has just happened. He met what he thought was an incredibly cute guy and was just about to have sex with him and then  _ this _ ?! His hardon sure has subsided now but he cannot quite put together the other feelings that are running through him. Confusion, anger, a feeling of betrayal and ridicule. He doesn't allow himself to recognise any of the other feelings, because he's far too angry and embarrassed to admit he's also gutted that Loras ran off. 


	2. Chapter 2

Loras enjoys the new challenge of his studies here in Storm's End. It had been good to go to another city rather than stay in Highgarden. Somewhere where no-one knew him from before, no-one knew his deadname and no one that had known him all his life and would slip back into old habits and hurtful pronouns. Here he was able to be just like any other guy of twenty, without any awkwardness or funny looks or comments. 

He'd been surprised though, that things had gone this smoothly. After his unfortunate encounter three weeks ago that had left an unpleasant taste in his mouth and anxious flutters deep in his stomach, he had fully expected more shit. It had been a stupid move on his part to blow his cover so quickly. But he had been horny and slightly drunk by that point and if he's honest with himself he had really liked the guy … Renly ... That was before it all went sour of course. He had not seen him again and he hadn't been back to The Stag club since. But to his surprise none of his revelation had leaked out. Perhaps the asshole really was too embarrassed to have been snogging with him - a trans man, shock horror!! - to shout about his secret. Perhaps he simply doesn't hang in the same circles as Loras does now. 

He smiles to himself as he sits cross legged on the grass, chatting with his fellow students,  feeling happy and confident and miles from where he was five years ago. Still, there is always the nagging in the back of his mind. That, unless he wants to remain celibate for the rest of his life, at some point he's gonna have to go through all that again. 

+++

Renly absentmindedly doodles on his notebook. He has not taken in much of what his lecturer has been saying for the last thirty five minutes as his mind is occupied with other thoughts. 

_ Loras. _

He has not been able to put that pretty head of golden curls out of his mind. The whole evening keeps churning over and over in his brain, from the dancing and snogging and laughing together to… He still can't get his head around it. He hadn't spoken to anyone about it.  He doesn't actually know what he would say. Part of him still feels angry and betrayed. That somehow he got duped into making out with this guy… girl? No. And Loras was right when he'd said he had come on to him. Her?  _ Aaaaaah!  _ He has pierced a hole in his paper now and the guy next to him lifts an eyebrow but turns back to his paper. 

_ You came on to him because he looked like a guy. A really handsome, really sexy guy! And he said he IS a guy. But he isn't really though is he. And he hadn't answered your question about…  _ He sighs. Truth is, Loras won't leave him alone. Despite his confusion and embarrassment and somewhat hurt gay pride, those stunning sea blue eyes and that head full of cute curls won't get out of his fantasies. And now he's intrigued too. Loras had surprised him and caught him off guard. And as a result he had reacted like a bit of a dick.

He had not seen Loras around town or at The Stag since. Renly knows that when he had gone there in the last three weeks it had been with the hope that he would find the other guy there. He wanted to talk to him. Find out more. Plus, damn, the memory of their kissing still makes him half hard, even if now he feels completely confused about that. He had always been very open and loud and proud about his sexuality from the day that he came out as gay.  _ If I like him, what does that mean?  _ he frets, twisting his pen over and over between his fingers.  _ I don't like girls. But what does it make me if I like a guy who was a girl?  _

Regardless, Loras hadn't shown up at the bar and Renly wonders if he had frightened him off for good. He hadn't meant to be an absolute asshole. It was just… 

He jolts when everyone around him starts to pack their books away and gets up to leave. The entire lecture had completely passed him by, he realises, and he will need to copy some notes from someone or he'll fail yet another of his exams. He really should put as much effort into his studies as he has into his cruising. There just have been too many distractions. And now he appears to have found the biggest distraction of them all.

+++

Loras feels his heart miss a beat when he sees a familiar face in the queue and his instinct is to turn on his heels and leave the coffee shop again. The other side of him argues though that he wants a bloody coffee and he should not have to run and hide. As he stands there debating with himself he is spotted by the other man and they stare at each other uncomfortably. 

Loras sighs, and turns back to the door. Now that Renly has seen him that kind of makes the decision for him as he's in no mood for hassle in such a public place. 

“Loras!”  _ Shit!  _ Renly fights his way back out of the queue as he tries to catch the other man before he disappears on him again. “Loras!” he grabs the guy’s arm and then quickly pulls his hands back again when the other turns to him and gives him a cold scowl. “Hey, I…” Renly drags his hand awkwardly through his hair. 

“Look, I was just getting myself a coffee, but I don't want any problems, alright,” Loras grits his teeth. He makes to walk away again, but the other man grabs his arm again.  _ Oh fuck, really? You are going to harass me in the middle of a coffee shop?!  _ it flits through his head as he looks about in a flash of panic.

But Renly takes him by surprise when instead of some smartass comment to out him to the entire town, he says, “No please wait. I'm sorry. Please, can we talk?”

Loras stops again. He can see that two girls at the table closest to them are now looking at them and he doesn't like that they're drawing attention. So he reluctantly raises his eyes to meet Renly’s. He expects to see anger or disgust or mockery there. But instead he finds the same beautiful eyes look back at him that had drawn him to Renly in the first place. “You're sorry?”

“Yes.” Renly is glad that Loras has not walked away, but now he's not sure what to say next. “I… you shocked me. Surprised me. But… I guess I reacted… well, not great.”

“No.” Loras doesn't know what else to say that isn't a swear word, so he just stares at Renly, trying to work out what it is the other guy wants. 

“Please let me buy you coffee,” Renly offers since, well, they are in a coffee shop after all. “As an apology.”

Loras wonders why this man makes him agree to this, but he nods. “Alright. I'll have a flat white please.” He hesitantly follows Renly to join the queue again. He's still just as handsome as he remembers and whilst Loras remains wary he decides to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. It would be unnecessary hassle to buy him a drink if he had mal intent after all. 

“How have you been?” Renly tries to make idle conversation as they wait to be served, each fidgeting a little unsurely. 

“Good, thanks,” Loras tries to answer politely whilst a hundred thoughts and questions race through his head. “Think I'm settling in okay.” 

“Good.” 

The awkward silence makes Loras want to scream and they are both relieved when they finally get their order. 

“Please can we talk a moment?” Renly asks as he hands Loras his flat white. 

The blond man nods. It would be rude to just walk off now although in truth the more persuasive thought is that he wants to hear what Renly has to say. 

They find a quiet booth in the corner where they can talk without getting overheard if they keep their voices down. 

“Thank you. For agreeing to talk,” Renly folds his fingers around his coffee cup as if it offers some support for this awkward conversation. “And really I am sorry if I came across as arse. You… It just took me by surprise,” he says again. 

Loras shrugs, sipping his coffee slowly. “I'm used to it,” he says eventually. “Yes, you were an arse but no more than any other who showed an interest in me until they found out  _ the truth _ .” He stares out of the window, the defensive mask that years of bullying and self loathing had carved out sliding back into place. 

Renly is struck by the sadness he hears in that nice sounding voice and sees burn in those stunning blue eyes as they stare into the distance.   _ He's so handsome! _ he thinks to himself again.  _ You would never guess!  _ “Why didn't you tell me? At the club … before we…?”

Loras looks at Renly for a few moments. “Why? You didn't tell me anything about your life, but you want me to have given you a CV before deciding whether to take me home?”

Renly blinks for a moment. “No. I mean…  That's hardly the same!” 

“Is it?” Loras challenges stubbornly, leaning a little across the table. “So then you asked all the other guys you slept with to tell you all their darkest secrets first? Cuz I'm sure there are plenty when you start digging!”

“You were born  _ a girl!”  _ Renly hisses under his breath, frustrated that Loras cannot see that that of course is different! “And I am  _ gay! _ ”

“So am I!” Loras scowls back. “And it's pretty shit when that means I have to deal with guys like you all the time!”

Renly sighs. He doesn't want to argue, truly. He wants to get to know Loras. Even though he's defensive and argumentative, he still fascinates him.  “So what  _ can  _ I ask you then?” 

Loras looks at Renly in surprise, but then laughs. “Well, whatever you would ask a guy you have just bought a coffee? Like what do you study? What do you think of Storm’s End? Would you like to go out for dinner later?” He keeps his eyes locked on Renly as he sips the rest of his coffee. 

Renly feels utterly stupid at that. As Loras puts it so plainly it does seem obvious that these are normal questions you ask someone you don't actually know.  _ And did he just ask me out? Or was that just a matter of speaking?  _ He decides to grab hold of it anyway as he smiles, “Alright. How about, would you like to come over for dinner at mine later?”

Loras is even more surprised now. Even though they got off on the wrong foot he has to admit that Renly is strangely charming.  And at least he's trying. He feels a little hesitant about going to his place though. Then again, he'd already gone there when he'd had had too many.  _ And you knew less about him then than you do now. And he knows about  _ you _ now and he still wants you to come over for dinner. _ “Alright,” he grins. He puts down his empty cup and gets to his feet. “I'll see you tonight then.”

“Wait! You remember where I live? Here, have my number. In case you get lost,” Renly quickly pulls out his phone. He is relieved when Loras does the same and sends him a text so he has his number too. 

As soon as those sexy curls disappear out of sight, Renly sinks back on the hard leather bench.  _ This is fucking crazy _ , he thinks. He's not even sure what possessed him to ask Loras over for dinner. He just knows that he does not want to lose sight of that cutie for weeks again.


	3. Chapter 3

Loras plucks at his shirt as he stands on the top step before Renly's front door. He isn't quite sure what to expect from tonight; or from Renly for that matter. Three weeks ago he had hoped for a drunken night of passion that might lead to more if they both felt like it. Now he's not sure where they are on that. Does Renly still want to sleep with him? Does he just want to satisfy his curiosity? Does he just want to be friends? 

_ No point just standing here, _ he tells himself and so he presses the doorbell. 

“Hey! Come in!” Renly is overjoyed that Loras had actually come tonight. He hadn't been at all sure that he would and he had been obsessively staring at his phone for the last hour or so. But here he is, looking even more breathtakingly handsome than this afternoon, in his salmon coloured shirt over dark grey jeans. “Glad you came. Want a beer?”

“Sure, thanks.” Loras looks around the little open plan apartment. It's stylishly decorated, and so surprisingly tidy that it makes Loras think Renly had really made an effort for this get together. At least that all hints towards the other man being genuine. “Nice place,” he compliments, smiling. 

Renly feels little tingles race down his spine at that smile. He still feels confused on so many levels about his feelings, but at the same time he knows that these are those addictive sparks of a crush. 

He hands Loras a bottle and a takeaway menu, shrugging a little apologetically. “It's safer than me trying to cook. My treat though. Have whatever you want. I hope Dornish is okay?” 

“Definitely,” Loras grins as he takes a seat next to Renly on the soft sofa, feeling much more at ease already. 

“You never did tell me what you study,” Renly looks at his attractive guest as he reads through the menu. 

“Well, you never asked me,” Loras chuckles. “History,” he smiles. “Particularly the period of the Dance of the Dragon up to the Conquest of Dorne.” He looks at Renly wondering if that impressed or bored him. “And you?”

“Wow, that is so interesting!” Renly says genuinely. “Er, I study the Common Tongue of Westeros. Not sure what I want to do with it yet. Perhaps specialise in regionalisation at some point.” He runs his fingers through his hair, looking at Loras. 

“Nice!” Loras smiles. “You could maybe teach?” 

Renly snorts at that. “If I actually pass this semester,” he says sourly. 

Loras looks up. “Not going well? Perhaps I can help?” he offers. “I mean, with studying?”

Renly looks at the other guy in surprise. But then chuckles. “It’s not going well cuz I'm finding cute guys far more interesting than my study books. I somehow don't think you are going to help with that dilemma.”

Loras smiles at that.  _ Does that mean he still thinks I'm a cute guy?  _ He points at the menu he still has in his hands, trying to focus on that for now. “I'll have that please,” he points at one of the specialities. “My favourite.”

Renly nods and grabs his phone to put the order in the app. “I've never ventured beyond the thing I always have,” he admits. “Might have to try some of yours,” he winks. 

Loras looks at Renly as he types onto his phone. He hadn't really had a chance to study the man closely yet, without being half drunk or still pissed off. _He really is a cutie_ , he thinks. _Never ventured_ _beyond the thing you always have? I do hope you will want to try something new tonight ..,_ he grins to himself. He bites his lip and then reaches over to stroke Renly's back to test the water between them. 

Renly feels a little shiver run down his spine at the gentle touch. He glances across at Loras as soon as he's placed his order and puts down his phone. Then he slowly places his hand on the other man's thigh whilst holding that hypnotising gaze. He hadn't dared to think about anything more happening this evening other than have takeaway and get to know Loras a bit better. He still isn't sure what he  _ wants _ to happen. Just that he really likes Loras and that he makes him excited. It feels different now without the darkness and the smoke and the haze of the alcohol. Without desire running so high already that they are close to tearing each other’s clothes off. When they both lean in to each other, a little unsurely now and yet so much more aware of each other, Renly feels such a thrill rush through him. 

Loras closes his eyes as he breathes into the kiss. In that moment he can just forget all of the complications of his situation and just enjoy that kiss. He hasn't forgotten how much he had enjoyed snogging with Renly the first time round. This time it feels even better, knowing that Renly still wants to do this now, fully conscious and aware. 

“Mmmm this feels good,” Renly murmurs as he pushes Loras down on the sofa, deepening their exchange. He digs his hands into that mop of curls that had fascinated him so the first time he laid eyes on this beauty. 

Loras floats high as his hands roam the other man's back. His fingers move between them to undo the buttons of Renly's shirt. He feels the other do the same and his breath hitches. Last time they got no further than this before everything turned really sour. This time they both know what's coming but it doesn't make Loras any less nervous.  _ Please let him not freak out again! _

Renly’s heart races in his chest as his fingers blindly caress hot skin. Loras’ chest is broad, lean and muscular. Just how Renly likes it. And smooth, except for… 

Loras involuntarily holds his breath as Renly's fingers trace his scars. It makes him shiver and then moan softly. 

“Is that uncomfortable?” Renly pulls back from their kiss a little at Loras’ moan. 

Loras opens his eyes, looking into those kind dark depths above him, and shakes his head. “No. Not at all. Are… are okay with it?”

Renly dares to look down now to where his fingers rest. In his shocked blurry mind these scars had become so much more prominent than they are in reality. “Yes,” he croaks as he traces them carefully. Fine silvery lines shaping Loras’s pecs. Rather than shock him, tonight he kind of admirers it. “How… how long have you…?” he isn't sure if he should be asking questions.

“How long since I've had such a very fine looking chest?” Loras grins cheekily, pushing himself up a little and looking down at his pride and joy. “Three years since I had the op. And lots and lots of weekends in the gym after that!” 

Renly sits back on his hunches and he strokes Loras’s chest again, loving how he curves up against his touch. “Did it hurt?” he asks stupidly. 

“The op? Fuck yes!” Loras laughs. “Much more than I thought, but so worth it!”

“Hmm, definitely,” Renly agrees as he bends himself down now to press his lips against Loras's nipples and then traces his well toned muscles.

Loras closes his eyes and leans back again, sighing at those tender touches all over his torso. He can hardly believe how the man who three weeks ago made him want to cry over his scars is now making him want to sing in pleasure as he caresses them. “That's... good,” he mewls. He curves up again and feels Renly's jeans chafe against his. 

Renly groans softly. Everything about Loras is making him hot right now to the point that his concerns and confusion about exactly what that means are pushed right to the back of his mind. He crawls on top of Loras, kissing him again, more passionately and hungrily. 

They rut against each other for a while and Loras knows his lover is trying to work out what's  _ down there _ without asking the crude question out loud again. He grins. There's no denying what Renly has in his trousers and Loras is relieved at his excitement if not a little nervous at what will happen next. 

They both groan and then laugh when they are rudely interrupted by the doorbell. 

“Damn!” Renly pulls himself upright, reaching for his shirt. “Next time we order food _ after.” _

Loras grins, letting his eyes slide onto Renly’s bulge. “Shall I get it?” he suggests, winking and nodding to the other man's wood. “There are certain advantages to being trans,” he chuckles, quickly pulling on his shirt before he walks to the door. 

Renly stares after Loras.  _ Does that mean that he hasn't…?  _ he can't help but wonder. As they were grinding against each other he thought he'd felt something but not the usual tell tale sign of a male arousal. He's not sure still how he feels about that. Curious on the one hand, he has to admit. On the other he still battles with himself whether that calls into question his own sexuality. And there are more practical questions to consider too. Like will Loras want him to penetrate him  _ there _ if he still has that option. Renly's never been with a girl and the thought of  _ that  _ scares the shit out of him.

“I think we should talk,” Loras smirks as he sees Renly's worried face. “Over dinner.” As he puts the bag with the delicious smelling food on the table. “Yes I'd love for us to just have spontaneous impromptu sex, but equally I don't want to get my ass out only for you to freak out again.” 

“I'm sorry,” Renly bites his lip, getting up to get cutlery. 

“Don't be,” Loras begins to open the takeaway boxes. “I know I'm an unusual case, right, and you have questions. That's cool. Calling me a girl and asking me if I have a dick like some insult or entitlement really ain't cool.” He dips his pinky in the sauce and licks it off, appreciating the sweet tangy flavour. “But I'm okay with you having questions about how this is gonna work. As long as I'm not some sort of fetish or part of your ticklist to brag about.” 

“No!” Renly immediately responds, handing Loras another beer. “I mean.. I have never been with someone like you… “ He fidgets with his cutlery.

“Well, here's the deal,” Loras flops down on the floor in front of the coffee table, opposite Renly, “you can ask me your questions. But for every question, I get to ask one in return. And you have to answer truthfully.”

“Alright,” Renly nods his head, “that's only fair.” He feels his heart thump in his throat.  _ What can I ask first?  _  He puts a piece of chicken onto his fork, holding it out to Loras. “I won't call you a girl again, I promise,” he decides to say first. “I, erm, you didn't seem to have the same problem as me just now when that guy turned up with the food…?” he falters but then goes ahead. “So how does that work with you trans men?” Renly avoids those blue orbs, realising that that are several questions hidden in one, but not wanting to ask the dick question directly again.

Loras almost chokes on his first bite. He had expected some pretty honest questions but perhaps not quite so straight off the mark. He grins though. “If you're asking me again if I have a dick, then yes I do. Just not the same or as impressive as I think yours is.” he smirks across the table, “Yours felt pretty good against me just now…”

Renly can't help but grin back, “Well, thank you for the compliment and the honest answer.” He stuffs some of his food into his mouth to digest the information. “I feel intrigued,” he can't stop staring at the breathtakingly handsome man opposite him. “But your question first.”

“Okay,” Loras finds this surprisingly fun. “How many guys have you slept with?” he asks outright, having seen Renly's tactics in the club and understanding well enough he has some miles under his belt.

Reply blinks. That was unexpected. “I dunno ... a lot,” he scratches the nape of his neck, grinning at Loras. “Let's say I do know the gay community of Storm's End pretty well.”

Loras nods, having expected that answer. “I guess I have quite something to live up to. Alright, you again. By the way, this is frigging amazing!” he points at the exotic food before filling his mouth again.

_ “ _ It is!” Renly chews a moment before saying, “So, you're a bottom then?” He leaves it at that, too nervous to ask more directly even though he should if sex is going to run smoothly. But he wants to wait for Loras’ answer and see what he's willing to give away.

Loras stops chewing and looks at Renly for a few moments. “Because I'm trans?” he can't help but ask, trying hard not to roll his eyes. “Actually, I  _ am _ a bottom, but not because of that. I know trans guys who are tops. There are ways. And.. extensions. In fact, that's one of the great things, I get to choose the size of my dick if I want to. Can you do that?” he says teasingly.

Renly bursts into laughter at that, “No, unfortunately not. But I'm okay, I guess. I've had no complaints before, he winks, wanting to elaborate his question now but realising it's Loras’ turn. He looks at him, waiting, cocking his head slightly to one side. The butterflies that are unfolding in his stomach feel incredible.

Loras feels himself relax even more. This had been a good suggestion to break the ice. “So I guess that means that you're a top then. Have you ever bottomed?” he holds Renly's gaze as the other's eyes seem to darken with lust by the minute.

“Nope, never bottomed,” Renly states instantly. 

“Would you?” Loras cheekily tries to slip in the second question. 

But Renly doesn't fall for it. “Oy it's my turn,” he dodges the question, not sure whether he would. “So ehm… with you then…  when you say… What I really mean to ask is …” he stumbles over his words, wetting his own lips. “Doyoubottomlikeagayman?”

Loras raises an eyebrow at Renly's flustered question, which is quite endearing in a way. The other man doesn't strike him as shy but he's clearly out of his comfort zone and yet he's trying. “I  _ am  _ a gay man, so however I bottom is  _ like a gay man _ ,” he says firmly. But then he adds to help the other out of his misery, “But if you want to know which hole to put it in, I like it in both. Not all guys do. Some are really dysphoric about the front one. For me, it feels good in both, so hey if the other guy is up for it…” He looks at Renly curiously, trying to gauge if he's ready for this next question. “So… now it's my turn then … Do you want to find out what it's like … with a guy like me?” 

Renly is speechless about all the openness and honesty and also the lust he sees in Loras’ eyes. All that talk about holes has made his dick chafe against its confines and he crawls around the coffee table and kisses Loras feverishly as an answer. He finds he wants to try it all. He’s surprised how Loras talked about it and wants nothing more than to  _ see and feel  _ it all now. “Yes!” he croaks as he comes up for air and slowly lowers Loras to the plush carpet. 

Loras loves how Renly desires him now after all their funny awkward talk. How he crawls on top of him again, kissing him fiercely and then moves himself down to pull at the button on his jeans. His body trembles with nervous excitement.  _ Please let him not be disappointed _ , is the thought that races through his mind as the other man pulls open his jeans. He isn't packing tonight. He'd thought about it, but the thought of having to remove a prosthetic cock from his briefs before sex makes him feel more dysphoric than just going with what he's got. It isn't much perhaps compared to Renly's extensive list of previous lovers, but it's his and it's real. 

Renly lies down on his side after he’d pulled down Loras’ jeans. He resumes the gentle kissing as he lets his palm slide over those firm buttocks still covered with the material of Loras’ boxer briefs.  _ He tastes and smells so nice.  _ He inhales deeply as he burrows his nose into that mob of curls. He wants to gently nib at an earlobe just to discover that there really isn't one. He smiles as he lies his head down to look the other in the eye. 

“Touch me,” Loras breathes into Renly’s mouth. He's rock hard and even with his much shorter length than the other man, his arousal is now visible through his underwear. He plucks at Renly's trousers and pushes them down as best he can, before sliding his hand into his boxers and wrapping around his hot rod. 

“Fuck, yes!” Renly exclaims as he feels Loras’ fingers around his taut skin. He slips his own hand beneath the elastic of the others’ underwear, marvelling on the soft skin of Loras’ arse. He explores the front gently with his fingertips, curious, wondering. He moves them inside to find something unfamiliar but definitely hard and swollen greeting him. He looks at Loras as he touches it tenderly at first but than more firmly.  _ It turns me on!  _ he thinks to his very own surprise. It feels nothing like any of the many guys he's jerked off, but it does excite him, especially as he hears the pleasured sounds from Loras as he rubs that surprising treasure. 

Loras moans softly, his breathing shuddering as Renly plays with him. “Feels good,” he whispers, whilst he lets his own thumb rub over the tip of the other's big dick feeling the sticky wetness there. He pulls Renly closer and kisses him deeply, pushing into his hand to seek friction. “Fuck me, sexy,” he pleads. “However you want.”

“I so will,” Renly groans at the invitation. “Want to try out my bed?” he licks across Loras’ collar bone, pressing their groins together to rub his cock against Loras’, grunting at the exquisite new feeling. 

“Yes,” Loras answers eagerly, relieved that Renly is still turned on by him and wants to take things to the next level. “Fuck, you’re so hot. I love your dick already,” he grins as they scramble to their feet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a TW reminder that whilst this is gay sex, Loras is a trans guy, who hasn't had full downstairs reconstruction. Whilst I don't use certain words as I find them triggering myself, some of the explicit descriptions may still cause discomfort for those with lower half dysphoria.

Renly grabs for Loras’ hand and leads him towards his bed, pushing him back onto it and devouring him all over again. While doing so he rumages blindly inside his bedside drawer for the lube and condoms. He stops the kiss for a moment and rolls them onto their sides again. “Let me spoil you, hottie,” he murmurs against those tasty lips. He squishes a generous amount of lube onto his fingers and ever so slowly slides them between Loras’ buttocks, pressing their lower bodies together for friction. It’s strange to feel no balls or a full size erection against his, but what's there turns him on anyway as he feels for that sweet rose that will let him into that scorching hot body. 

Loras appreciates that Renly plays with his backside. It kind of reassures him that Renly doesn't just see him as a fetish or a curiosity, but just as a gay lover with some unique features. He encourages that finger inside as he works his muscles, kissing the other man with passion and need again.

Renly hums against Loras’ eager tongue as he feels that pucker kind of suck his finger in expertly.  _ Nice!  _ He carefully probes, pressing in inch by inch and pulling out halfway again.  _ He's definitely practiced. Fuck that's such a turn on!  _ His cock head chafes over the fine hairy trail on Loras’ belly, leaving marks of precome.

Loras rolls himself slowly back onto his back, pulling his lover on top of him. “Let me feel that impressive dick of yours inside my arse then,” he says sultrily, licking his bottom lip. He squeezes Renly's firm buttocks as his blood boils in desire.  _ He's the most beautiful man I've ever been with.  _

“You don't want another finger first?” Renly pants into Loras’ mouth trying to keep control. “But I'm getting the impression someone has been playing with toys and doesn't need that…” he answers his own question and groans, as that particular image makes his cock twitch against hot skin.  

Loras smirks. “I know some of Highgarden quite intimately as well…” He holds Renly’s gaze as he curls up for him.

Renly chuckles hoarsely, “Alright, that’s just fair.” He quickly rolls the protection on and tries not to stare too obviously at Loras’ groin but into those mesmerizing blue eyes. He bends down as he aims to position his cock head against the lubed up pucker but jolts when in his blind fumbling he brushes against something that feels different to anything he's played with before. Hot and warm and moist too. It sends shivers through him as he moves his cockhead to the more familiar hole. There is time still for exploring new territory. 

“Let me in, sexy.” The plea is accompanied by Renly showering Loras’ throat and chest with butterfly kisses and licks.

Loras groans as he's breached. He focuses on his breathing and on his body, trying hard to relax everything down there as they slowly move together. Renly is more gentle with him than he'd expected and it definitely makes it easier to take him inside when with so little preparation.

He wraps his arms tight around Renly's neck to have some leverage, seeking that hot mouth on his again as they join together. “Fuck that's good, love your dick,” he murmurs into the other's mouth.

Renly pushes in more, “Love how tight you are,“ he rasps, giving back the praise. Out of habit he leans on one arm to fist his partner's dick but then remembers that he touches in its place is quite different. He hesitates briefly, but then he dares to rub across that swollen mini dick again, listening to the groans of approval from his lover.

“Nice,” Loras huffs as his backside is stretched well, encouraging Renly. “Jer-jerk it like a dick,” he guides his man. “Feels good!” He works the muscles in his channel, pulsing them around that scorching dick inside.

Renly has a hard time to concentrate on the words since he's massaged so perfectly.  _ Excellent bottom!  _ He sighs, devouring his man with passion and doing as he's told. He curls his thumb and index finger around the small erection and begins to pull the other off as he'd been asked to. It's not like a dick, not really. And yet he hears the pleasurable moans his movements extract from Loras and the way he works his backside even more and so Renly perseveres, wanting to pleasure Loras even if it's out of his normal comfort zone. 

Loras curves up off the bed when Renly makes him come with his persuasive touches inside and out, groaning deeply. “Fuck yes, oh baby!” he pants, shuddering. 

Renly stares at the man underneath him in awe. He's never seen someone come like this. It's like his whole body has bloomed, not just his genitals. He hadn't been sure what to expect or how he would tell when the other reached his peak without any semen. He doesn't need to wonder any more as Loras looks back at him with eyes blown with lust,his lips plump and red, his cheeks flushed with heat. “Wow,” he whispers as Loras’ renewed beauty takes his breath away. Had he first felt a little disappointed that the other can't ejaculate, now he almost feels jealous of the way Loras seems to experience a very different type of climax that has made his back hole flower and his front one gush hot liquid onto Renly's fingers.

He bites his lip as he looks between them, a whole range of confusion, lust and conflict sparking in his brain.

“You don't have to,” Loras answers Renly's unspoken questions. “Only if you want to.”

“I do. Want to. I think,” Renly stutters. 

“Swap the condom then,” Loras pushes himself up a little on his elbows. 

Renly nods, pulling out. His heart is thumping in his chest with a mixture of the most thrilling excitement and anxiety as he rolls on a fresh rubber. 

“I'm a man,” Loras reassures his lover as he can see the conflict flicker in his eyes. “A man with slightly different anatomy than the ones you've fucked with before. I'm still a man though. And therefore you're still 100% gay, even when you fuck me in there.” 

Renly nods, wondering how it is that Loras seems to read all of his thoughts as if he's speaking them outloud. Loras talks sense though and so he moves himself to lie back on top of him.

“And some lube,” Loras nods to the tube beside them on the bed. Whilst his orgasm had made him wet his body no longer lubricates itself as well now as it once did. “Treat it more like you do the other hole,” he grins at Renly. 

Renly grins back, grabbing the lube. “Alright.” He feels like a virgin doing this, having to be instructed by his partner. Whilst it's eating at his pride a little it's also arousing him to explore something different. And Loras is so easy going it takes away most of his initial uncertainty. “You are gorgeous, and hot,” he murmurs as he slides himself back onto his lover, kissing those tempting lips to bruising again. 

Loras moans softly when Renly enters him again, this time differently. He keeps his eyes closed, wanting to concentrate on feeling, moving together. He murmurs hot things in Renly's ear, guiding and encouraging him. 

It's not what he had expected. Renly isn't sure exactly what that was, but this is way better than he had thought. Not as tight as the other hole, but still tighter on his cock than he had expected. And just as scorching hot. As Loras wraps his legs around him, pulling him right in up to his balls, and feeling that still hard little dick press against his own erection as they chafe together, Renly curses colourfully at all these weird and wonderful sensations. “Fuck that's… Fuck yes, oomf.” He ruts hard into Loras now, the other man meeting his thrusts as he pushes his pelvis up. 

“Come for me, Ren,” Loras croaks, his bright eyes open again now to see the heat in the other man's eyes.

Renly’s super foggy mind decides that he wants to in that second hole. The different angle does such pleasurable things to his cock that he positively drowns in the new feeling. “Loras,” he gasps against the corner of the other's mouth as his climax builds and builds until it erupts out of him. 

Loras bathes in the delight and bliss he sees on Renly's face.  _ You are so beautiful like that,  _ it hums through his brain as he continues to rut up against Renly. This session has been so enjoyable and so hot and seeing Renly come undone inside of him is so arousing. Combined with the friction of their bodies, his lover’s pulsing inside of him and his own backside still throbbing, it is easy to climax a second time and he mewls into Renly's sweaty hair and digs his fingers into his back when he does.

_ Did he just come again?!  _ Renly looks at Loras in awe.  _ Damn!  _ He can get used to this, he thinks, chuckling at his complete change of perspective from a few weeks ago. This beautiful boy brings a whole new level of excitement and pleasure that he really hadn't anticipated. 

“You're gorgeous,” he nuzzles those locks that had captured his attention in the first place as he sinks down on his lover, breathing heavily. His thoughts whirl around in his head about what they’ve just done.  _ He’s come twice and he's gorgeous!  _ it repeats itself in an endless loop, while he’s grinning like a lunatic. “This was pretty amazing!” he says finally when enough air comes into his lungs to speak.

Loras grins in satisfaction and not without a great deal of pride as Renly rolls off him to dispose of the condom. “It was!” he agrees, pushing himself up on his elbows and admiring the view. “Glad you had fun.” He pulls the blanket up over his lower body though, feeling a little self conscious about himself now that they're finished. 

“More than!” Renly glances over at his lover, seeing the hint of uncertainty in his eyes. “Want to have a shower and then maybe watch a movie together?” he suggests. 

“Er yeah,” Loras beams since Renly hasn't just thanked him for the new experience and shown him the door. 

Renly crawls back onto the bed and kisses Loras’s plump lips softly. “And ehm … would you like to stay the night?” he suggests casually. “I am not as quick as you were to get off twice, but … I wouldn't mind finishing off your other hole a bit later if you're up for another round,” he winks. 

Loras wraps his arms around Renly and pulls him back on top feeling elated. “Well, I definitely didn't have any complaints,” he jokes, “so that sounds very agreeable.”

_ I could actually fall for him _ , Renly thinks as they tangle up in a lazy kiss.  _ And I'd be proud to have him as my boyfriend.  _ “I'm very sorry about what I said before,” he murmurs against those sweet lips, not wanting to let go just yet. 

“Ssssssh,” Loras lays a finger on his lips briefly, before kissing them again. “You've made up for it. As long as I'm man enough for you now?”

“Yes! By the gods, yes, you're an amazing guy!” Renly nods eagerly, shower and movie already forgotten as they can't get enough of each other just yet. 

“As are you,” Loras purrs. 

He is surprised by how things turned out. He's never seen such a dramatic change of hearts. From feeling like his carefully built new life was about to be burnt to the ground by some arrogant knob to now lying in bed with this same guy feeling absolutely validated and on top of the world.  In fact he's never felt this good and comfortable with a cis guy before. 

And as Renly kisses him into oblivion again he would like to think that tonight could be the first night of many more to come. 


End file.
